Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
