So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
