I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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