Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
