My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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