I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
