I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
