i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
