Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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