Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Liz is crying about burritos again.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
