I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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