Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
