so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
