I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
