dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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