you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
