You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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