So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
