my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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