Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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