I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
