i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize