The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
