in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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