I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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