Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We're too hungover to prance.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
