Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
