Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
FUCK WHALES
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
