u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
