She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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