i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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