U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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