6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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