My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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