How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
