You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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