There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
