did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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