i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
