It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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