I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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