so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
