I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
