piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
