Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
