hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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