i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just threw up on my dentist
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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