he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
