Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
