I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize