turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
