I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
