i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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