is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
