she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
