im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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