Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Bring me that man meat
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
