Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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