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I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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