how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
