it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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