Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
