She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
