don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
