how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
