Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize