dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
where am i from again
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize