Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If I die, sorry about rent.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
