I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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