M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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