Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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